Broken and Mended
by Valkyriav
Summary: The Hero of Ferelden, Solona Amell, has arrived to Skyhold a year after Corypheus' defeat. Cullen and Solona get a chance to catch up, reminisce, and mend broken bonds.


"Commander, report from Sister Leliana."

Cullen looked up from the assortment of papers on his desk to the Inquisition messenger holding out a rolled parchment, sealed with wax. Cullen squinted, unacquainted with the sunlight basking in through the open door. Cullen took the message and nodded to the messenger.

"Sir!" the messenger saluted before leaving Cullen's chambers, closing the door to leave him in the comfortable, dim candlelight.

Cullen put aside the parchment for a moment, returning to signing a letter to go out to his soldiers stationed in the Frostback Mountains. After finishing, he sealed the letter with wax and put it aside with all the other outgoing letters. Despite Corypheus being long gone, the work he had to do as Commander did not dwindle as much as he expected.

Cullen turned his attention back to Leliana's parchment and unsealed it. It read:

 _Cullen,_

 _I have heard (late) word that Warden-Commander Solona Amell will be at our gates within the day. She and I will be discussing matters, but I presume you might wish to know since I know you two are acquainted with one another from your days in the Ferelden Circle. She may be the Hero of Ferelden but I know she wishes not to have attention drawn to her. She has never been the type that liked playing celebrity. Please direct her to me if you see her._

 _Leliana_

Cullen's mouth went dry. Solona here within the _day_?

The last time he saw Solona was 13 years ago when she saved the Tower from demons. The last time Solona saw him, he was a broken shell of a man who said nothing but regretful things. Cullen was thankful that Leliana had not been there that day too. Cullen had often imagined how he would apologize for his behavior to Solona for years if he would ever see her again, but now that it will become a reality, he seemed to have forgotten just then the words he had so meticulously prepared. He was a 33-year-old man, yet suddenly he felt a nervous 19-year-old boy again.

Solona Amell was a piece in his life that seemed to linger in the back of his thoughts, where with most people it would be forgotten. She was truly something else; he had not experienced an attraction with such intensity with any other woman, even those whom he had brief romantic encounters with in the past. Cullen did not long for Solona anymore; after his trauma at the Circle the thought of her left a bitter taste in his mouth for years. The bitterness faded with time, and with that time he gained the wisdom and maturity to look back on his friendship with Solona with nostalgia and fondness, if not only to serve as a reminder during his dark time in Kirkwall that not all mages were evil; they were people just like he was. He had been able to put aside his hatred of mages partly thanks to her.

Cullen jolted up from his desk and paced through his side door onto the ramparts. He peered over the side of the wall to the main entrance, straining his eyes for any sign of incoming horses, but the road was barren. Cullen let out a deep breath and backed away from the view, turned around and paced anxiously along the wall with his arms folded behind his back. A few patrols saluted at Cullen as they passed, but Cullen did not heed them.

Cullen contemplated if it would be appropriate for him to greet her at the gate, and what he should say to her once he saw her. Should he apologize immediately or would that pain be best forgotten in the past? How would she react upon seeing him? Anger? Contempt? Disregard? Would she have the same pain in her eyes as the last day they last saw each other? Or would they be simply cold?

Cullen made his way down the stairs of the battlements, to the shopkeepers below, keeping an eye out towards the gates. He breathed in the crisp air deeply to calm himself.

 _Relax,_ he told himself.

"Commander!"

Cullen sighed as another messenger approached him. "What is it?" he said sharply.

"Um, Lady Josephine wishes to see you in her office in regards to the issue one of the Ferelden Banns has with the Inquisition," the messenger said, nervous.

Cullen scowled. He needed to retrieve a few documents from his office to discuss _that_ issue they have had on the table for a few months. As Cullen turned around, his voice lowered. "Tell her I-"

Cullen stopped mid sentence as his eyes locked onto a dark-haired woman approaching from the stables. It seemed as though they had caught each other's eyes at the same moment; her eyes widened in recognition as she froze, mirroring Cullen himself. He saw her mouth out his name under her breath.

"Commander?"

Cullen's eyes darted back between the messenger and the woman. "I- Um, tell her... in a moment," he breathed as he side-stepped around the messenger, eyes now focused on her.

Solona approached him as well, hesitant. When the met half way they stopped an arms distance away from one another, afraid to get any closer.

"S-Solona, a... surprise seeing you here," Cullen stuttered, rubbing his neck.

"Yes... this is definitely a surprise," Solona said, shifting on her feet, tense.

"You look so-" they both said in unison, before they both suddenly stopped, realizing they were talking over one another.

"Oh, I'm sorry, for-" Cullen said.

"-No, it's okay, go ahead," Solona responded.

Cullen chuckled nervously. Of course he was already messing up their reunion by acting like a fool. "It's just... you look... just as I remember you." She was just as beautiful as he remembered. The only difference was that Solona looked hardened - her face was all hard lines sculpted from years of battle and travel as a Warden. The soft starry-eyed face of her youth, knowing nothing but of the Circle, was no more. She was now a grown woman - no longer just a girl. However, when he looked at her he was reminded of the last time he saw her before she parted from the Circle, with betrayal in her eyes as she looked at him. She still held that wary look when she looked at him now. Shame filled him.

Solona let out a huff of amusement, relaxing a little. However, she still looked ready to flee from his presence at a moment's notice. Of course she still remembered how terribly they had left off. "And you look so... different."

"Oh? I do?"

"Yes, your hair lightened and... uh, never mind." Solona cleared her throat. "I should be going. I need to meet up with Leliana."

"Oh, yes, of course." Cullen shifted in place awkwardly. It looked like the past would still come between them. "Perhaps then - I could show you to her?" he said like an uncertain boy rather than the experienced commander he was. He cursed himself for acting like this.

Solona blinked. "Oh... sure."

"Then please... follow me."

As Cullen led her to towards the rookery, the awkward tension between them could have been cut with a knife. They barely spoke. How was Cullen supposed to salvage this?

"This is the throne room," Cullen lamely said as they entered the main hall of the building. "The Inquisitor is out in the field so I can't introduce you yet unfortunately."

Solona simply nodded.

Cullen then led her into the atrium. Solona's eyes were drawn to the beautiful fresco painted on the walls before they climbed up the stairs through the library. "This is the atrium library, where our mages can do research."

"Mages, huh?" Solona said softly as she watched him carefully for a reaction. He understood why. The last time she saw him he had cursed all mages and told her that they all needed to die. For all she knew Cullen was still a mage-hating templar.

"Yes... the Inquisitor recruited the mages and gave them a safe place to stay. They have been invaluable to the Inquisition." He paused before adding, "They are here out of their own free will and may come and go as they please. No templars watch over them." He hoped that would ease her.

Solona's shoulders relaxed, but she still had a sliver of suspicion in her eyes as she looked at him, like she was still trying to figure him out. "I see."

They climbed the stairs up to the rookery. Ravens cawed at them, announcing their arrival. "This is the rookery, where we keep our messenger ravens and where our spies operate from. It is where Leliana spends most of her time."

On cue, Leliana appeared before them from around the corner expectantly, a warm smile gracing her usually cold face. "Solona."

"Leliana!" Solona's face immediately lit up. She rushed to the spymaster and the two women embraced each other tightly.

Cullen watched them, shifting on his feet awkwardly. He didn't know if this was his cue to leave or not.

"It's been too long, Leliana," Solona said.

"It has. Come, we have much to discuss."

The two parted and began to head deeper into the rookery, Leliana's arm around Solona's back. Solona took one last glance back at Cullen, her expression unreadable.

 _Don't go just yet,_ Cullen pleaded. He still needed to apologize - to clear the air between them after over ten years.

Cullen took a step forward, an uncertain hand reached out. "Wait-"

But it was too late. Solona had already turned her head back around and the two women did not hear him.

Cullen cursed under his breath as he watched the two women leave. He lost his chance. But perhaps trying to say something here with an audience of crows, spies, and the spymaster herself would have been a terrible idea. Something like this needed to be done in private. He should not intrude on the two old friends as they caught up.

Cullen departed back to his office. He was sure Solona had to be here for at least a few days after making such a long trek up to Skyhold. He didn't have the slightest clue why she would be here - only Leliana was privy to that. During that time, for the sake of the guilt he had carried for all these years - he _needed_ to find time to apologize to her. He was a _man_ , no longer a boy. He could handle apologizing to her despite how much his stomach churned imagining how she might react. As much as he wanted to hide in his dark office until Solona departed, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, where fate had finally decided to bring them together once more. He would not waste this chance to set things right.


End file.
